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The Biggest Lessons Motherhood Taught Me (That No One Prepared Me For)

By Yen Siew, Co-Founder of Bosom

I always thought I’d be good at mothering.

I’m organised, structured, prepared — the type who reads, learns, optimises.

Motherhood, in theory, should have been my thing.

It wasn’t.

Not because I didn’t care.

Because it forced me to confront parts of myself I had never examined.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You Can’t Regulate Your Child If You Can’t Regulate Yourself

I used to think discipline was about teaching my child how to behave.

Now I think it’s mostly about managing myself.

Nothing tests emotional control like:

  • A crying baby at 3am
  • A toddler melting down over the wrong cup
  • Running on three hours of sleep

In these moments, you realise the lack of control isn’t in your child — it’s in you.

I had to unlearn:

  • Reacting immediately
  • Raising my voice
  • Prioritising compliance over connection

And learn how to pause.

Still a work in progress.

2. Control Is an Illusion (And I Took That Personally)

I am very Type A. I like plans. I like structure. I like knowing what’s going to happen.

Then I had kids.

And suddenly:

  • Sleep schedules don’t stick 
  • Feeding plans don’t go as planned 
  • Your timetable for the day… collapses by 10am 

My second child really humbled me.

I realised:

  • Not everything needs to be optimised 
  • Not everything needs to go my way 
  • My husband doesn’t need to parent exactly like me 

In fact, my kids are probably better off because he doesn’t.

Letting go felt uncomfortable.

But holding on was worse.

3. Being “Present” Sounds Nice Until You Actually Try It

Everyone says “Be present.”

No one tells you how hard it is when your brain is wired for productivity.

I catch myself:

  • Adding groceries to cart
  • Replying to messages
  • Thinking about work

While my child is asking me to play.

Sometimes I have to say to myself:

“The email can wait. This moment cannot.”

Presence is a practice.

And it changes everything.

4. You Can Prepare All You Want. Your Baby Doesn’t Care.

I read everything — sleep, feeding, development.

And then my baby arrived and basically said: “That’s cute.”

Babies do not care about your systems.

Eventually, I had to:

  • Let go of control
  • Accept some days are chaos
  • Let my husband take over (he’s genuinely better at winging it)

Preparation gave me comfort.

Letting go gave me sanity.

5. Marriage After Kids Is Not 50/50 — Keeping Score Will Break You

In the early days, it’s very easy to fall into:

  • “I woke up last night, so you do the morning” 
  • “I did the laundry, you do the groceries” 

And it becomes… transactional. And exhausting.

Because you’re both tired, both stretched, both feeling like you’re doing more.

 

What shifted for me was realising:

Marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s seasonal.

Sometimes one person carries more. Sometimes the other does.

And that’s okay—if there’s trust underneath it.

I only fully understood this when I quit my job to build Bosom.

My husband didn’t hesitate. He just said yes. No scorekeeping. No conditions.

And that’s when it clicked for me:

We’re not measuring effort day to day. We’re building something over time.

(Disclaimer: this part only works if your partner is actually… partner-ing.)

Closing

Motherhood didn’t make me better.

 

It made me more aware — of my triggers, my control, my values.

 

Slowly, it’s reshaping me into something I didn’t expect:

 

Not a perfect mother. Just a more intentional one.